My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
