And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
