Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Ketchup is God's man juice
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
