Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
