So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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