dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
