Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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