Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
