You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
