i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
