Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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