So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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