My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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