stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
