What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
