drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
