I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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