I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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