There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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