How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
