Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
your room smells of hookers.
And success
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
