Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Randomize
