Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
