Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I intend to get homeless drunk
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
