Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
