***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
