very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
