For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
