I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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