bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
