Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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