I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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