The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
