I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
