Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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