You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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