I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
