She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize