dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
