I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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