I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you didnt know i had herpes?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
