After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
