hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
