pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
