just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
