shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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