The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
