This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
