I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Is her dick bigger than yours?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
