i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
