Im at strip club and am horny
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
