Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
