I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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