that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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